Last night the members of the local branch of the Italian Communist Party organized a talent show in the local piazza.
I am sorry to report that these commies do not know how to sing in key. They do however have a charmingly short fellow in a blotchy pink shirt and fat blue tie who likes to dance on stage. His dancing is quaint, unsettling and not unlike that of a marionette being operated by a puppeteer with Parkinson's disease.
I am also slightly concerned to report that my inadvertent celebrity spotting syndrome seems to continue unabated. Twenty minutes into the talent show I started to walk laps around the piazza in an attempt to avoid the cacophony on stage exploding my head. That's when I saw Willie Nelson. I rubbed my eyes and got to thinking about just what the ginger-haired rebel was doing in the piazza of a small Italian town watching a communist talent show. After a few minutes the pieces started to fall into place.
I had harboured suspicions of Willie being on Uncle Sam's payroll for quite a while now and it seemed this chance encounter confirmed my suspicions; for what better way to use his pleasant demeanour and penchant for honest lyricism than to have him infiltrate a communist entertainment syndicate. I checked to see if there were other obvious spooks loitering around, but then I thought that just wouldn't be big Willie's style. He would only operate as a lone eagle in deep cover. He wasn't disguised very well but then I wasn't sure that his career ever really took off over here in Italy. Either way his intimate knowledge of stage presence and crowd psychology made the risks worthwhile. It all added up. He was born for this job!
I entertained thoughts of going over and whispering, 'Good work Willie' and adding a sly wink so he knew that I knew the game was on but after the whole Snoop episode I was feeling a little fragile. So instead I let Willie be. I continued my depressurizing stroll as Willie smoked his cigarettes and carefully watched the acts on stage; no doubt taking meticulous mental notes on the emerging and dangerous communist talent on display.
So you can rest easy Paula Abdul. Oh yes, you can rest easy. For thanks to brave men like Willie Nelson not a single commie bastard will bring the American entertainment industry to its trembling knees by slipping through the cracks and onto the stage of American Idol.