As I stood in the middle of the living room I couldn’t help but wonder how the hungry lesbians had untangled my stereo from the cables gathered in the corner and then carried the newly liberated sound system out the window and down the fire escape in the five minutes I was out of the room searching for my neighbour’s baby to feed them.
”Rufus!”
”What?”
”Where the hell are you?”
”In the craphouse.”
”Tell me you’re in there with the lesbians listening to my stereo.”
”Nope. I’m struggling with that Chicken Jalfrezi we picked up on the way home.”
”Well, did the lesbians say anything about going out to pick up some smokes or pawning my stereo?”
The toilet flushed and Rufus emerged. “Nah, I thought they were still in here.”
Crap. ”Well they aren’t. And it looks like they’ve pilfered my shit.”
Rufus slumped back down on the couch and took a swig of his beer. “Just goes to show that you shouldn’t trust strange hungry lesbians at five-thirty in the morning.”
I fell back onto the other couch. “You introduced them to me. I thought you knew them.”
”I mean, I’ve seen them naked but I wouldn’t really say that I know them.” Rufus took a life drawing class to meet women. He liked the swashbuckling, sun saluting, naked type. That’s where he met the lesbians. He pointed his beer can at me, “Hey, where the hell were you while they were stealing the stereo anyway?”
”I fed them everything in the house but they kept asking for more so I was going to see if giving them Lenore’s baby would shut them up.”
”Doubtful. A hungrier pair of women I’ve not seen.”
”Yeah well, we’ll never know. I think Lenore is down in Brighton this week.”
”She probably wouldn’t have given the kid up anyway.” Rufus paused for a minute. “Besides, I don’t know that feeding babies to anyone has ever truly solved anything.”
Wisdom like that will suck the conversation out of a room, so we sat in silence for a while, drinking our beer. Rufus picked at the edges of a frayed cushion, “Well this blows. I was all excited about the prospect of rampant, unrestrained lesbianism on the living room rug and instead I end up alone with you and no music.”
I swirled some beer around my mouth and swallowed. “I gotta admit, I was excited when they first asked for the bananas and ice cream,” I looked to the quietly gathering daylight outside, “but my heart sank when they made me go back for bowls and spoons too.”